I tend to not write in my journal when life gets crazy, but those are the times I usually want to remember the most so that I can recall how to manage such difficulties. So just a few short lessons...
Self-Discipline
Having three kids is really hard! It's not difficult, really, it just takes up my time so quickly that I am already worried about homeschooling when Trevor is officially kindergarten-age in the fall. It's a good thing learning is just a part of his nature. I don't know how else I'd do it otherwise. We didn't get to do any lessons yesterday, but Trevor just found an insect book and laid on the kitchen floor reading while I cooked. Then he started following me around with the book asking questions. There's no lack of motivation there. I just need to learn how to channel it so he can be a little better self-directed. I realize now why homeschooled kids must either learn self-discipline or falter.
Sex-Ed
I also read an article a while back called, "The Baby is The Lesson". I'll try to put a link up for it if I can find the source. It was written by a homeschool mom who was getting flustered by baby interruptions during school-time, until she realized that those real-life expereinces were part of what she wanted for her kids' education. So I'm trying to take advantage of this time to teach the boys about lots of topics relating to babies and families. Strangely, I've had a lot of unexpected sex talks with Trevor. I am not excited about sex talks. But when Trevor asks me a million times why he can't watch his baby sister eat, the simplest explanation eventually failed to quiet his questioning. Even though it's really hard to answer his questions delicately, and I'd rather say, "I'll tell you when you're older," I am actually really grateful that he's learning so young that it's okay to come to his parents and ask these hard questions instead of turning to peers or the wrong crowd to answer them.
Yesterday was probably one of the more difficult conversations. I'm too embarassed to even write some of the things we talked about (I know I still need to get over myself), but one thing was so cute I have to record it. We were talking about who can see each others' private parts (including husbands and wives) and then he told me he wanted Abigail to be his wife when he grew up. I love the innocence of a four-year old. He has also asked if he could marry me several times. I explained that his relationship with his sister is very special, but his relationship with his wife will also be special in a different way. I'm glad I'm getting practice at this topic. If this was hard to answer, I'm sure he'll have much harder questions when he gets older!
Discipline, Positive Parenting Style
I am convinced that all of my kids' problems come from my own weaknesses as a parent. I know, I know. It sounds harsh. Friends tell me not to be so hard on myself, but really, it's just too clear to me. The cause-and-effect relationship between how I engage with my children and how they react to my parenting is too obvious not to feel accountable. And I am responsible for them, so why shouldn't I feel accountable? Anyway, that is a topic for another day.
What I'm trying to say is that I have yet again had to bring out the Positive Parenting book. It is becoming a monthly event almost. I get to the point where I am pulling my hair out, wondering what in the world I'm doing wrong as a parent, and then I bring out the book and do a little reading. That's when I realize I'm doing this or that little thing wrong, fix it, and go back to living in paradise with my kids. It's hard to admit your parenting is that bad. But once you've figured out what you're doing wrong and how to do it right, it's so nice when you realize that things are getting better because of your efforts. It's very empowering. Let's just hope I can get it right before they reach the age of accountability and have to figure these things out for themselves!
Sibling Rivalry
This time my biggest mistake was how I was dealing with the little fights Trevor and Conrad have. Before Abigail came along, I was available more often to be able to help resolve conflicts. Now, when I'm nursing her or changing diapers or doing one of a million other things, I just can't be there every second to solve problems for them. And reading the chapter on sibling rivalry this past week, I realized that I'm getting involved far too often anyway. They may be 2 and 4, but they can handle a lot of their own problems. When I try to get involved, often I'm only making matters worse by reinforcing the very acts I am trying to eliminate. So these past few days have been much less stressful, though I've had to grit my teeth while turning my back a few times. Once I got back into the habit of ignoring "junk behaviors", I realized that I didn't even need as much patience. And the boys learn to resolve things on their own instead of waiting for mom to come save the day and put the other person in time-out.
I can't believe how often I have to learn this lesson! Ignore inconsequential behaviors, reinforce good behaviors. I've seen so many parents who just seem to do this naturally, sometimes I wish I didn't need to go back to the book so often. I really don't want to think about what kind of parent I'd be without it, though.
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