Workboxes

Workboxes are a great idea for individual organization.  We've used this idea for about a year now, and I've since heard of a few other people doing it, but I just learned that it has a name!  And a whole book written on it, too, if you're curious. 

I found a website with links for many different adaptions of the workbox idea.

Homeschooling: Allow Me to Remove the Wool From Your Eyes

I would like to officially apologize to anyone I've tricked into thinking we're "that" homeschool family. You know, the family that is amazing at everything, including perfect parents, immaculate home, flawless children. I must be really good at making my family sound awesome. Or, some friends are really good at making me feel good.  I'm almost sure it's the former.

I confess, I beam a bit hearing our 5-year old recite for others the (one--ahem) poem that he knows or watching him pull out his body model to teach our 3-year old about the organs, just for fun. When Trevor declares that every evening in our home should be for reading books. And when they beg to do "homework"--ahh! sweetness!

Well, so we are awesome. But I'm biased. I happen to adore my husband and kids. The neutral observer would probably find themselves saying, "What's so awesome about this family? They're nothing special, just weird."

What's this all about? Recently I've had too many people giving me compliments about our homeschooling efforts. While I graciously accept the compliments, I also wonder if I've somehow forgotten to leave out all the bad parts and give a truthful, realistic view of homeschooling in general, and what it is in our home.

Enough is enough. First of all, I am one of those people who really can't handle focusing on the negative too much, so I tend to only replay positive experiences from our home to others. So when I list a million fantastic field trips and experiences from our homeschool, you're not getting the whole picture.

I once read from a veteran homeschool mom, that in a typical homeschool, you have to count it a success if one out of ten days is one you consider a "good" day. I've tried to keep that in mind on the nine bad days. When we're not dressed until 10 AM. When Abigail has been awake all night and the next day comprises slobbing on the couch in my "comfies" reading picture books all morning until I tell the boys I'm too tired to do real lessons and they can just turn on the keyboard and dance for the next hour. Or when it just seems like we're not learning much of anything and I worry that they'll fall behind.

I have to reroute you to one of my favorite sites out there for homeschooling, The Well-Trained Mind. It was created by one of my favorite homeschool authors, Susan Wise Bauer, and the page I linked you to is all about typical homeschool days in different families. Very eye-opening! Especially the one about homeschooling with young children, a toddler, and a newborn.

Now, I must go on a tangent for any nay-sayers who choose not to homeschool because they don't think they have it in them, or who perhaps after reading the links, tilt their noses to the sky. Out of the many homeschool moms I've met, no two moms do homeschooling the same way. Look at it this way: put overly simply, public school is ONE way to educate children, and homeschooling has as many ways as there are families. As a homeschool mom, I've learned rather quickly not to judge how other families choose to educate their children, that what is truly important and underlies most homeschooling philosophies is the LOVE these parents have for their children. And I don't judge anyone for putting their kids in public school, either. Just FYI, though, for anyone curious, go to this site and read the stats on homeschooling vs. public schooling.

During the first day of public school in our area, I got together with a bunch of other moms (public school moms) for a playgroup, and of course, they ended up asking me about homeschooling. You get a lot of attention when you're doing something different than everyone else. I was feeling nervous, anticipating the questions that undoubtedly would come, and also a little defensive because I knew there were a few in the company who had privately and publicly criticized homeschooling. I ended up saying something I regret, after a few moms said something like, "How do you do it? It sounds so hard! I could never do that!" I said, "Well, I think it takes a certain type of person to homeschool." Not true! I wanted to elaborate and tell them what I meant was that any mom (or dad) can become that person through diligence and love, that it's an individual process, and that I admired all the moms who came before me who blazed a path for me to follow, but I immediately realized how arrogant my original words sounded and I choked. Sigh...Opportunity lost.

Let me just say, for the record: I am not extraordinary, my kids are average, it's not that hard to homeschool once you get used to it (the process of which is really mostly just getting over a lot of perceived barriers). You don't need a teaching degree, you just need to love your kids. And have a desire to nurture them all day long, whatever that means for your family.

So please! Enough with the compliments and making me blush! Well, okay, I really like the compliments, but I just want people to know I'm not special or any better than you. I don't love my kids more than you love yours. Our homeschool looks different from day-to-day, and I expect it to change continually, waxing and waning with the phases our family goes through.

Recently another homeschool mom was being complimented on all the amazing "extracurricular" things she was doing with her kids and was asked how she could possibly do it all. She humbly and truthfully answered that her youngest happened to be at a good age and that she happened to have the energy at the time, and that she reserved the right--as matriarch of the family--to stop any and all activities that became excessive to their family. Her words rang familiar to me, especially after reflecting on Abigail's newborn phase at the beginning of 2012. I realized then that there are times and seasons for everything, and certain activities would have to wait.

Another comfort that has helped is an essay that I like to go back to from time to time: The Baby Is the Lesson. That's for the people who wonder, as I did, how in the world to do homeschool when family life doesn't just stand still while little Johnny attentively receives his Latin lesson.

-less

In conversation at breakfast, Trevor said the word tailless.  I know, not a big deal, but I'm his mom, so it was a big deal for me.  I was impressed (as I always am when I hear a new word come from his mouth), and asked him where he got that word from. 

I loved his reply, because I was also impressed at his ability to communicate his train of thought.  He said simply, "I heard someone say 'headless' and I just thought of all the things that could be -less."  I love my little thinker.

I've been meaning to share this. I haven't done my homework on unschooling, and I have homeschool friends who love and live it, and friends who are not so hot on the philosophy. I like Thomas Jefferson Education and find a lot of similarities between TJEd and Astra Taylor's talk.  And if you have a favorite unschooling book, maybe you'd like to share a title.

I'm really having a hard time deciding where to post things, because I don't really separate homeschool from our family life. I just posted a bunch of recent homeschool/family activities on our family blog, so you'll have to check that out for the latest.  We've been having a blast!  I LOVE homeschooling!!! My kids are so happy and I love being a part of their lives every day.

The Learning and Healing Powers of Time

When I took lessons from Patricia George for a short while in college (once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!), she amazed me with all she knew and had researched on how people learn.  I--already a psychology major and fascinated with all things brain--was amazed.  She had a practice schedule figured out that would forever imprint music and drill in your memory, or at least make the same amount of practice more productive.  Most music majors practice anywhere from 3-6 hours a day (or more).  But Patricia George told me it wasn't to be done all in one sitting.  It is best done with time in between practice sessions, specifically 3 hours. 

My first declared major, education, had taught me that it is the same in all areas of learning.  Our brains just need time to incorporate all that new knowledge.  It can just be too much when we try to cram too much in, creating a stimulation overload. 

I've also found the same to be true in the school of life.  You know the lingo: "suffering burnout", "too much on my plate", "bogged down".  When we get this way, it takes time, soothing, meditative time, to mull over and understand all that has happened.  It is taking me months to incorporate into my brain all the new experiences and life lessons our family has received since moving to Minnesota, and it has been difficult for the rest of my family, too.

Sadly, I've had to learn through my own experiences to be more compassionate to others in their times of trial.  In Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl mentions this very thing.  I may see a person acting strange and make a snap judgment that they are weird or a little off.  Frankl says that in reality, their actions might just be a normal reaction to an abnormal human experience.  (Frankl was of course referring to how so many of the people he met in the Jewish death camps shed much of their morality under the conditions they were forced into. How can any of us judge them harshly!) 

"Understanding the true nature of instinctive decision making requires us to be forgiving of those people trapped in circumstances where good judgement is imperiled." Malcolm Gladwell, Blink.  I think it goes beyond instinctive decision making, as so many instinctive decisions can pile up to make huge misjudgements.

So many times when I was in the midst of the worst of the storm last year, I thought to myself, "Why do I feel as though I'm fading?  Do I lack faith?"  It was some of the worst mental anguish I have ever dealt with, wondering if I was pulling away from my God. 

I wondered if I could really homeschool my kids or if I was emotionally scarred so badly that I couldn't deal with the stress of what I once considered delightful: raising my kids and teaching them at home.  I worried that our family's trials had made me selfish instead of refining my character.  My happiness had lost some of its luster, the luster I had always been able to conjure up in difficult times, even if only to cheer my family. 

As I'm slowly gaining back inner strength, I've been blessed to have time to reflect on my new knowledge. 

William Faulkner said, "Most men are a little better than their circumstances give them a chance to be."  All men (and women) have "circumstances"!  We will all fall short of perfection.  It's unfortunate that we have to be thumped over the head with trials in order to come to this realization, but I now understand it better than I could without those difficult experiences. 

I have thought so much bout Job, and how faithfully he endured his trials.  I feel that the Lord will do this for all of us: bring us as close as He possibly can to the edge of our endurance, in order to help us grow in faith.  (President Eyring's talk in General Conference about "the Lord's pavilion" that relates to this as well. It was the first talk in the first Sunday Session.) 

It is so important, even in the recovery phase of our trials (however long that may be), to rely on the Savior.  It is sweet to feel the love of the Lord as we see our family smiling more and we're getting the sunshine back in our home.  As I put Conrad down for his nap today, we giggled and gave a million kisses and just made each other happy.  It brought back memories of times when these special times were passed over, and I silently thanked God for the healing occurring in our home.  I also prayed that the Lord would use His timing to allow our family to fully meditate on our trial and incorporate the new knowledge into our stores of growing wisdom.

I know I can't do it on my own.  I'm grateful to have a Heavenly Father who so strongly wants me to put my hand in His and let Him lead me, that He is willing to allow my trials to push me so far so I will humble myself and do it.  It's fall down the cliff or into His arms.  I know now firmer than I ever have, that He loves me and wants me near. 

Building the Foundation

You may have noticed I've replaced the Mark Twain quote (I know he's a bit of a personality, but he's so quotable!).  If you know me well, you know how I love inspiring quotes and bits of wisdom.  I will stew over one scripture or quote for months.  I think it unnerves some of my friends when I tell them, "I've been thinking about that thing you said...years ago."  I can't help it! 

The new quote is one I'm adopting for this year's homeschool year, and probably forever. 

"The great objective of all our work is to build character and increase faith in the lives of those whom we serve." 

(emphasis added) Elder Spencer W. Kimball, 1948

 

 

I am one of those people who, in the pursuit of perfection, tend to put a little emphasis on everything, trying to get everything right, when I should be focusing on what is most important and not stressing out about everything else.  I love Thomas Jefferson Education and how it's principles help me to remember to stay focused on basics.  For our family, the two things President (then Elder) Kimball mentioned are the most important for our homeschool focus. 

 

Build Character:

 

In relation to our homeschool, with our kids being the ages they are, this means helping our kids build who they are.  I hope and expect my kids to be people of high character.  We're trying to focus specifically on family responsibilities right now.  The dreaded chore!  If I only had a nickel for every time Trevor has told me, "Mommy!  I don't like chores! When I grow up I'm going to buy my own house and live my myself and not do any chores and no one will tell me what to do."  I ignore the drama and try to make the jobs as cheerful as possible.  I also try to make sure chore time is as sociable as possible.  There's no reason chores should absolutely have to be done alone.  Unless we're trying to teach personal responsibility.  Right now we're just trying to get our base solidified, though, so my focus is elsewhere.  Family responsibilities aren't the only route to good character, but that is the bigger specific goal we're working on for this year.  I want our kids to learn to be accountable to their family members.  To get them thinking outside themselves, to their duty to others. 

 

Increase Faith:

 



Scriptures!  Prayer!  Church!  It's so important right now.  Our kids are 5, 3, and 9 months.  What better time, when their little brains are developing so quickly, to teach them to rely on their Savior and spend quality time on their relationships with Him?  I want our kids to instinctively go to the Lord when they have difficulties in life or in gratitude for their joys. 

There are only so many hours in the day for our kids to learn from us and the world around them.  Instead of trying to shove all sorts of learning down their throats to meet the quotas of public school standards (which wouldn't really be too hard anyway since they're so low!), I hope to to give them a good base for real life, not just for the small bubble of academic life. 

If I don't get to math or handwriting lessons for the day, but I have done scripture study and family responsibilities with the kids, I'll still count it a successful day.  Because when it comes right down to what's most important in this life, it's not the individual subjects in their respective boxes, it's who we are and how we handle life's challenges that will make or break us as people.

Field Trips and Enriching Activities

Trevor finally got to do his vegetable stand after weeks of halts.  He was SO excited to do it and worked very hard all morning to prepare.  We made signs and took a walk to post them on street corners.  We made flyers and passed them out to a few neighbors.  We picked and bagged vegetables.  We baked and bagged bread.  Then we carried everything outside to set up and waited.

 Unfortunately, we must not have done a great job with advertising, because we only had a couple neighbors stop by.  We have especially nice neighbors, who asked Trevor if he was going to do this again next year.  Their generosity helped Trevor to earn the money he wanted for his human body model (below) and he also got to learn more about tithing.  He has been playing with his body model nonstop.  He pretended to be Conrad's teacher when Conrad said to him, "Me want learn about body."  It was so sweet.  I'm so proud of Trevor for his hard work.  Afterward we talked about more ways of advertising better next year (he definitely does want to do it again).



 This week there was a homeschool day at a local museum, so we went there for a class.  The boys learned about earthquakes and then they got to build their own structures and test them out on an earthquake machine.

We also joined an LDS homeschool group (Yay!) and had a kayaking/fishing outing.  We laughed at the sroller line-up on the dock.  Yes, those are all double strollers.

 Trevor had a neat experience.  He was sort of somber for a while and then I asked how he was doing and he said he was sad because everyone was catching fish except for him and he really wanted to catch one.  While I was helping Conrad, another mom suggested Trevor should pray, so he did.  Eventually after using a lot of the "p" word (patience), he did catch one and got the courage to hold it in his hands as well. 

 Conrad was a blast.  He kept pulling his hook out of the water and saying, "Look, me caught fish!"  (It was his worm every time.)

The boys got to play with the other kids on the beach and climb all over the rocks afterward.  It was such a nice outing!

 

Other outings and activities include playground playdates, nature center visits, and home teaching and fishing with daddy.

 

 

First Week of "School"

I don't really know why I feel the need to document this, because we've been doing the same things we've been doing all summer, but I guess I'm sentimental for no real reason sometimes.  Here's Trevor's first day of "school":

Actually, to be honest, he was tired and a bit grouchy the first day, so I had him take a rest on the couch.  It was very uneventful, except for the momentous question Conrad asked me for the first time: would I teach him to read? 

 

The rest of the week was great.  It started out like normal.  Our regular routine for the past few months has been like this: mornings are for breakfast, chores, possibly an errand or bike ride, sometimes a trip to the playground, sometimes play with a building toy together, then lunch and naps.  Once the little ones go down for naps, Trevor automatically goes over to his section of the bookshelves and picks out materials for whatever lesson he feels like doing (right now we have phonics, handwriting, math, history, scriptures, and of course he can also choose to do a science experiment, play with puzzles, read books to me, or anything he wants). 

 

The second day kind of set the tone for the rest of the week.  Trevor chose to write a story.  So he told me his story while I wrote it down (about a lost dog that gets found and returned).  Then while he copied it into his notebook, I read to him from the history book about pyramids.  We connected that to other types of tombs, got out the scriptures and talked about the tomb that Jesus was laid in and related the details of preservation to the way the Egyptians preserved bodies and talked about different views of the afterlife.  Then Trevor did a tree maze in a Childcraft book. 

 

Conrad's schooling right now is potty-training and just being loved.  He loves anything active, whether it's wrestling on the floor, playing astronaut (I lay on my back and launch him with my feet), or dancing to music.  Abigail loves to be held and played with, too.  I'm trying to look into her eyes and talk to her often and just help her participate in communication and show her she is loved and cared for.  For myself, I am working on patience (the never-ending goal!).

Celestial Education

A couple friends of mine shared a video with me I'd like to share as well.  I found it to be a very uplifting reminder of all the deepest reasons I want to keep my kids at home. 

However, I'm going to give the same warning one my friends gave on her blog, that if you've never even considered homeschooling, this might rub you wrong.  Some of the lecturer's views are very different from what you may be used to hearing, but I hope if you listen, you'll listen with an open heart anyway.  It's very long, but I was able to listen while cleaning the kitchen over several days.  Enjoy!

Michelle Stone, Celestial Education

Oh, and to clear up any confusion, we are DEFINITELY homeschooling this year.  I'm trying to be brief as we are getting rid of the internet at home for a while till we find a price we agree with, so I'll have to record that conclusion some other time.  

Vegetable Stand and Witching Hour

Here's Trevor putting some color on his signs for his vegetable stand.  He is so excited to do this.  Unfortunately, the elements and everything else seem to be against him.  One Saturday it rained and we had a visit and this weekend I've had the flu.  He's been talking about it so often, I sure hope we get to do it before the vegetables are done!  I'll post more about it when/if that day comes.

I have a friend who told me that the hour or so before dinner is the witching hour for her kids.  I know what she means.  It seems that if I don't have something planned for the kids or am unsuccessful at shooing them out to the yard, that's when all the contention and general whininess begins, right as I'm trying to fix dinner in a timely manner for Daddy's homecoming.  If anyone has any ideas for this perplexing hour, please share!  Right now, the two best bets for me are playdough and audio books.

Personal Organization and Study

I just finished reading The Organized Home Schooler, and I have many things to tidy up, inclusing my own personal organization.  I learned a lot from studying some Montessori books on "classroom" environment, but every homeschool book I read seems to add something to help me on my journey, so I am very glad I read this one as well.  I took an evening to get organized and here are the results:

A few years ago, I made up a binder under the influence of Marla Cilley's Fly Lady book.  I loved the concept, but just had too much extra paperwork that I didn't know where to store or how it fit into the system.  I knew I had to make her system my own, so I did.  I have an expanding file holder that I use to file away the "overflow" from the binder, which is for more everyday stuff.  I also picked up a Teacher's Lesson Plan Book from the Target $1 section, but I can already tell I won't be using it.  It just isn't set up the right way for my purposes, unfortunately, so I'm looking into the Day-Timer Family Plus planner and another suggested by a friend.  In the past I've just used our family calendar, but I'd like something more for homeschool and to organize the household better.

 

 

Below is something I've wanted to start for a long time, and so glad I finally did!  I read a lot of books.  I really can't stand it when I can't remember the things I've read, or when I want to go back to a book to find that one page that had that really cool quote and I just can't find it.  So I started a notebook.  What a novel idea!  I just jot down page numbers and quotes and words that I want to look up the definition for.  I've also copied pages and pasted them in when I don't want to write down huge quotes, and I like to add my own ideas and notes as well.  I also make a box for each book so I can scribble down the names of any book titles or articles they reference that I want to look into.  Ahhh!  It feels so good to have it written so I can go back to it!  This is just for me and I love it.  This is part of the "You, Not Them" aspect of Thomas Jefferson Education, I'd say.

Book Comparison

I recently read two books: Weapons of Mass Instruction, by John Taylor Gatto, and Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell.  I didn't purposely read these two books back-to-back, but it's ironic how well they fit that way, like two people having a dialogue back and forth.  Gatto's book tries to reveal the faults of public schools, and in Outliers, Gladwell writes about his study of what it takes to succeed.

I really enjoyed Gatto's writing (I love reading books that force me to look up definitions of words every few pages!), but I often found myself confused at his wild accusations and couldn't always follow him either from my own lack of knowledge of the subject or because it didn't seem like he was backing up all of his claims very well.  What really struck a chord with me, though, were his many anecdotes from the lives of successful people who made it to the top because of anything but public school.  He cited many stories of people who dropped out of school or played hooky to learn form the school of life rather than sit at a desk and do busywork.  Gladwell's book also contains many stories of individuals who were successful for many different reasons.  I had several insights while reading and comparing these two books:

Gatto is disgusted by all the gifted/talented/special education programs that he seems to believe are like a band-aid on the gaping wound of bad education, as though these programs are a cover-up or a way to quiet parents who are smart enough to realize that public school doesn't work well for all children.  He also said that in all his years of teaching public school, he rarely met a gifted or special needs student.  I think he was trying to say that all children are just so different, that they ALL have special needs.  In which case, I agree, but I would say that all children have spcial needs or learning differences, rather than say that none do.  It put my worries to rest about Trevor, since I wasn't comfortable with the "gifted" label from the start. 

Confirming Gatto's conclusion is a whole chapter of Gladwell's book.  Gladwell calls it the 10,000-hour rule. He refers to a study that found that professional musicians had no less than 10,000 hours of practice under their belts.  Good players had 8,000.  Other researchers used these results to look at other professions and found the same thing was true for all professions!  If a person wants to be truly excellent at any one thing, they must meet the 10,000-hour rule.  I loved this chapter.  Practice makes perfect!  Hard work pays off.  Focus is important.  Diligence.  Discipline. 

After reading these two books, I understand more about academics vs. experience.  I like to ask other homeschool moms the reasons they decided to go that route.  Everyone seems to have a different answer.  A favorite homeschool friend of mine explained to me once that she felt like her public school experience was just a game.  You jump through the hoops, maybe learning something along the way, maybe not, and you get a diploma at the end.  While I certainly see a place for quiet, formal study (and yes, maybe even a worksheet or two), having real-life experience is like the other side of the balance.  Gladwell talked about successful people having parents who kept them actively engaged, always doing some productive thing or other (not the same as busywork!). 

Lest you think I'm, obsessed with the object of pushing my kids to the top, I have to explain.  I don't really care if they make it to the top, wherever that may be.  My motives are none other than selfish, but different than you may think.  When my kids leave home as adults, I want to be able to wash my hands of any responsibility.  I want to be able to say I gave them my very best effort under the direction of my Heavenly Father, and gave them every opportunity to become what He wants them to become.  Not all mothers can stay at home with their kids.  Not all moms have the advantages that I have in being born in this country to the parents I was given and the faith I was born to.  I don't want to squander these blessings and the opportunity to pass it on to my kids.  It sounds awfully perfectionistic, I know.  I am often telling myself to loosen up. But I would be so ungrateful if I didn't feel this way. 

I love this quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley that helps me stay grounded and realistic, “Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” 

I have more to say about experience, but it's getting late!  I'll have to finish another time.

Created by: CollegeAtHome.com

Discovery #2: Reality

Sometimes Usually reality doesn't live up to our ideal.  Sometimes we don't live up to our own ideal.  Since I was very young, my ideal way to parent was staying at home, nurturing and loving all my children at once through homeschooling.  That was before I realized I couldn't control everything in my life.  It sounds like a realization I should have made at a much younger age, and I feel very immature for not coming to this conclusion before, but it is what it is: I can't be supermom. 

A friend of mine told me a story that has stuck with me.  She has some things going on in her life that she doesn't like.  Some are out of her control, and some are just part of her personality, things she needs to overcome through an immense amount of personal effort, and may never overcome.  I think we all have our big weaknesses like this.  After watching a beautiful, well-educated, seemingly perfect-in-every-way cousin of hers, and lamenting to her brother that she knew she'd never be that way, he told her, "We just had a bigger hole to dig ourselves out of."  He was referring to deep family issues, but I think it applies to any trial we may be facing.  It's great when people can be the best and live up to the ideal most of the time, but we should also celebrate when we overcome hardships and mount them as average citizens instead of much worse. 

How does this relate to homeschooling?  Well, our family has had a rough patch.  For almost the last two years (we're trying not to blame it on the city...ahem).  So many unexpected trials at once and one after another.  Just thinking about it makes me tear up and be grateful we all survived emotionally and spiritually.  The hard part is that the biggest trials are things we really can't talk about at all, so you'll have to take my word for it.  It's been rough.  Before these trials, I always thought that since I knew what was best for my family, I could just work harder and harder if things got rough.  I could push through anything and make it work with the brains God has give me.  But lately my life is starting to remind me of a game of Rummikub I once played with some friends in high school.  I overestimated my intellectual ability and took tiles from here and there, then from everywhere until I had completely remade the game and made a mess of everything and couldn't even put it back together the way it was, and the game ended with no winner. 

Of course, this time I am not the only player, and I'm not in control, it's not "my turn", as it were.  Don't mistake me, I do believe I am responsible for my children.  But I can't control everything that happens to them or me or their daddy. 

I still deeply believe in homeschooling and I wish every mother who had the ability to homeschool would do it if they could. Through many talks with Sean, and lots of introspection on my part, we may not be ready yet.  It's difficult for me to give up something so dear to my heart, even if it's only tentatively for one year, but it may be best for our family.  We're on the path to recovery and things have been so much better for us, but something inside has broken that needs time to be mended. 

The conclusion is that we're still not sure what we'll do.  After the last talk with Sean, when he told me he's worried I have too much on my plate (and I truly am slow in all my reactions, including recovery from trials), I started looking into schools.  Just thinking about it makes me sad, but I'll need to get past that.  We're not even sure that putting Trevor in school will be the answer, which is also difficult.

The school that Trevor would go to is only 4 blocks away.  And it is also rated a 2 on greatschools.org (my own elementary school was an 8 the last time I checked).  I also happened to find this article written in May about it: Sheridan Hills.  It states that it is in the "bottom 5 percent performing schools in the state."  Yeah, right.  Going from homeschooling to giving my kids away to not just a low-performing school, but among the worst schools in the state?  Not gonna happen.  If my kids are going to be away from me for hours a day, it better be for a good reason and a good alternative.  So we're looking into charter schools in our area.  With the discoveries I've made lately about Trevor's personality, I'm afraid he would be lost in the public school and I want to make sure he'd be getting the type of attention he needs.  I'm hoping we'd only have to do this for a year, or even just a half a year, until we get through a few things on our plates.

Laying it All Out on the Table

Baring it all here.  I've had some very difficult and enlightening discoveries within the past few weeks.  It's very hard for me to express what I've learned, as I'm just starting to accept it myself, but I want to record it all anyway because the process is important to me to have written.

Discovery #1:

Trevor is different.  Okay, so I always thought he was different, but that it was just unfortunate family traits (from both Sean and myself) that make him different, and that I needed to squelch them and nag them away.  I've written about some of those traits and others that don't worry me as much in this blog and in our family blog.  A very perceptive and compassionate friend loaned me her copy of Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  I don't like labels at all (I'm wary of self-fulfilling prophecy aloing with other concerns), and I truly dislike subjective psychological quizzes, so it really rubbed me wrong and I had to force myself through the first 100 pages until I started to tolerate and then understand it.  Trevor would definitely be considered spirited by this author's standards, and I began to make the connection between Trevor's odd traits and the possibility that maybe they're not as bad as I think they are, and instead of trying desperately to make him "normal", perhaps I should be more proud of his differences and help others see that fitting the mold is not what it's all about.

I was able to stew on these thoughts for a few weeks before I had the worst day of my life.  I am still too shocked and saddened to disclose all the details, but let's just say it involved a park, some choice words yelled at me by my Favorite Trevor Ever (in front of  several friends and their kids--it was a church activity), and mommy crying the whole way home in confusion.  A friend emailed me to ask if I was okay, and luckily she happens to not only be a great friend, but also has her degree in Marriage and Family Studies (or something similar), and she was able to give me some advice.  She also happened to babysit our kids the week before and noticed something different about Trevor as well, but unlike me, it didn't cause her to worry.  On the contrary, she had some eye-opening insights for me. 

Here it comes.  She said she believes Trevor is gifted.  I know, another label.  A label I didn't understand and thought was elitist and arrogant to be waving around as a parent.  But she happens to have two children in her own family who tested and turned out to be gifted and require special attention at school.  So I gave her the benefit of the doubt and we talked about it over the phone, me listing all Trevor's oddities and her telling me they were in line with the characteristics of gifted children.  I was still skeptical, so I went to the library that night after the kids were in bed and scoured the catalogs for books on giftedness.  There was only one available, written for teachers, but I took it out and read it; I've been so hungry to know more about how to help Trevor.

I learned so much about giftedness.  Sure, a child may have a special talent or ability that average kids don't, but it is SO much more.  Mind you, I'm not so sure Trevor has any special abilities yet (or that he is gifted), but this has helped me to be more understanding and accepting of him as he is.  The book I read suggested making a running list of traits if you might be in doubt, so I've started one.  Just to give an idea of what difficulties we've had:

Trevor asks questions constantly.  He not only asks questions constantly, but he asks mature questions and worries about things other kids don't worry about.  Three of his questions I haven't been able to help comfort him with any answers are: "Who am I going to marry?" and, "What do I do if you and daddy die and I'm all alone with Conrad and Abigail?"  and, "What should I do if a bad guy comes to my house and tries to do bad things?"  It sounds silly, but he is truly distressed about these things, and no matter how much I try to soothe him, he still worries. 

He is an extreme perfectionist.  When he graduated into Sunbeams (the 3-year old class at church), he wouldn't color certain coloring pages or write his name for his teacher, even though he knew how, for almost a year because he didn't think his letters were good enough. 

Trevor also has a strong sense of justice and fairness.  He just can't seem to get past something when it isn't perfectly fair.  He recently told me, "Mommy, I want to stay up later.  I know you stay up for a long time after we go to bed.  I want to, too."  So Sean and I decided that once or twice a month we'd let him and Conrad stay up late for something fun. 

This is the one that bothers me the most and plagues my mind and heart day and night: his rollercoaster emotions.  He is SO intense and SO sensitive.  He can't just be happy, he has to be jumping off the walls with excitement.  He can't just be sad, he has to be wailing and depressed.  He can't just be mad, he has to be what I call "expressively" mad, doing at least one of the following: crying, yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing.  I thought it would go away after the terrible twos, and the violent part has calmed considerably, but it seems to be a trait that is here to stay.  In fact, I remember my mom visiting us in Idaho soon after Trevor was born, and she remarked how strange it was for a newborn to have a temper.  It was that apparent even from birth.  (I fear Abigail has the same explosive temper!)  He is also sensitive to others' emotions and is intrigued by the one story in the scriptures where Jesus gets angry (and overturns the moneychangers' tables at the temple).  As an example of Trevor's intense moods, just a few days ago we had an interesting conversation.  He was complaining about chores very loudly and angrily, and literally less than 20 seconds later asked me so sweetly to tell him a story.  I almost laughed out loud at the quick change.  (FYI, I told him a story about a boy who woke up one day in his mommy's body and had to take care of everyone and do all the chores.  He liked it...though of course he was stuck on how the boy got his mommy's body instead of the boy experiencing his mom's struggles.)

When he wants to learn about something, he doesn't let it go until he's learned all that he decides he wants to learn.  A few weeks ago, it was inventing.  He wanted to be an inventor and we read about inventors and made "machines" from materials in the recycling bin.  That trait is easy and usually pleasant because I tend to be the same way, wanting to fully and thoroughly exaust a subject before moving on.  Plus we just go to the library and get all the books we can find on his subject and try to appease the appetite that way.  The only hard part is when he's asking questions and wants to go to the library RIGHT NOW to get some books to answer them.

He's still very compassionate for his age.  At soccer, he helps kids up when they fall.  At church when a baby was crying, he asks why the baby is sad.  At home, he automatically goes to sit with Abigail when she is crying and tries to make her feel better.  Of course, he can also be mean like other kids, but I am still surprised at his level of empathy, and to be honest, humbled at my own lack in comparison. 

There are other signs, too, some stranger than others (gifted kids happen to mostly be physically stronger, have fewer illnesses, and taller and heavier than other kids, which also describes Trevor), but I'm hoping to find material to help me truly identify in more concrete terms whether Trevor is gifted or not.  Even if he isn't, though, I'm experiencing what I learned from my education and psychology classes in college, that there are different types of intelligences and though society tends to value certain types of intelligences more than others, all are valuable.  If I can just figure out where Trevor's strengths lie, I can help him succeed in spite of his oddities, maybe even because of his oddities, rather than drown in them.  I've also become aware of my own traits and how they might bother others or impede my kids' success.

I'll have to write about my other important discovery later...I've taken a lot of time to write this morning.

Portfolio

I think I'm going to make a couple of these for Trevor and Conrad soon...



DIY art portfolio case (saw it at http://kristensbloglife.blogspot.com/2010/02/diy-kids-artwork-portfolio.html)

It's just a posterboard folded in half with the sides taped together with duct tape and ribbons attached for handles.  I looked online for some portfolios for the kids, and the ones I found were over $20 each!  I just need a place to put larger projects without them getting mashed.  I have such a hard time throwing away my kids' artwork!  Every time I go to toss something, I think to myself, "It's not great art, but he'll never be 2/5 again!"  Much too sentimental!

Right now, the boys each have a plastic drawer to put their "treasures" in.  They contain anything from paper cranes from Aunt Annie, hand-outs from church, their art projects, and old birthday cards.  When Trevor or Conrad have a special thing they've made and it keeps floating around the house and starting to turn into clutter, I just put it in their treasure drawer and they can take it out whenever they want to play with it.  We just need some portfolios for the larger items!

Ordering Materials for Kindergarten

Sean started his new job last week and life seems to be getting back to a normal grind for us.  I love it.  I really think all of us thrive on a normal, predictable schedule.  I've had a lot of thoughts about Maslow's hierarchy lately as it relates to education, so I think I'll write something up on that eventually, but I want to look up some books first.  Anyway, here's why I'm writing today...

I'm just about ready to start ordering the last few things I need for kindergarten.  I'm very pleased with how little I need to spend with how I've planned.  I already have books for phonics (but I'd like to look at Explode the Code for next year) and the library for easy readers to practice reading.  I'm thinking about doing some grammar and spelling (because Trevor asks grammar questions frequently and I just want to see how interested he is in spelling), but we'll do so little of both that I'm sure we won't need books.  For math, I've decided on Singapore math, after reviewing several programs and talking to friends.  I've also decided to do Handwriting Without Tears for Trevor. 

One thing that bothers me a little is that it feels like I'm just planning a bunch of worksheets for Trevor to do.  That is something I really wanted to avoid.  I admit, it really irks me.  I think that there does need to be a certain amount of drill and practice for building a good foundation in the basics, though, and worksheets--as long as they're good ones--can fill our requirements. 

Speaking of requirements, I made an appointment to speak with a Community Education rep. from the public schools here.  We talked about financing for homeschoolers and she gave me tons of forms and information.  I was worried that someone from the public school would look down on parents choosing to homeschool, but she was very respectful and helpful. 

I found out that the state gives about $80 per student for homeschool materials per year.  Trevor will get about $40 since kindergarteners only go half time.  So that almost completely covers the cost for the materials I have yet to order.  Awesome!  She had never heard of the financial programs I suggested to her, but offered to ask around and asked that I keep her updated if I root anything out myself. 

Lately Trevor and I have been doing 3 phonics worksheets together, as well as reading books, doing a short math lesson, and a scripture story every day while the younger ones nap.  He's shaping up to be a fine young man.

BOOK IT! for Homeschools

The Pizza Hut BOOK IT! program is now open for homeschool enrollment! (Thanks for the tip last year, Tiffany!)

Naivete is Stressful: An Epiphany!

I wonder if all homeschool moms go through the same sort of progression I'm going through.  I really don't know what I'm doing.  There.  I said it. 

I'm glad that's over.  Moving on...

If you scroll down and read about our typical day of homeschooling, you won't find anything negative.  That was pretty silly of me.  I hope it doesn't give the wrong impression.  I didn't mean for it to look so rosy.  Homeschooling is hard.  It's busy.  When I'm at home with the kids all day, dishes and laundry pile up, diapers need to be changed, tummies get hungry, kids get hurt and require medical intervention, and there are errands to run. 

Even if those things didn't need to be done, there's the fact that my kids are 4 years, 2 years, and 7 weeks old.  It's crazy around here!  As I mentioned in another post, at times, I'm literally dividing my attention between three people in order to get through lessons (and still my kids are brilliant--mommy pride speaking).  What I'm saying is that it's okay!!  It's hard, but it works.

I'm saying this because I didn't feel this way a few months ago.  It's a lesson that has been unfolding for me since the birth of Abigail, and I found myself continually asking, "Can I really do this?  Teach my 4 year old  to read and write while my two year old wants to play and my infant needs to nurse?  And when will I ever do chores in all this schooling?"  My naivete is melting away and I'm feeling more and more relieved as it does. 

A few things have helped.  I really like A Well-Trained Mind, and every time I read it I feel encouraged, so I decided to check out their website and blog.  I happened upon these articles: School at my House, by Susan Wise Bauer.  I read the one about doing school with young kids and a newborn.  Not only did I realize that my expecttions were much too high, but I realized that this is how homeschool is when you have young kids.  If Trevor doesn't have perfect silence and my undivided attention to do a writing assignment, it's okay!  He will still learn just fine. 

In one of those articles, she happened to write something that turned on a lightbulb for me.  She was talking about how the Spanish lesson (or maybe it was latin?) would be skipped that day because they got toward the end of the day and there just wasn't room for it.  Duh!  Spanish is not as important as reading (English), so it gets the backseat.  If I do everything by priority, the important things will get finished and the rest is icing on the cake.  So we're doing it that way now.  Reading, Phonics, and Math are priority (as well as our family's daily devotional, of course), and science, art, geography, etc. are last (if we get to them at all).

I also like the article, The Baby IS the Lesson, by Diane Hopkins. 

So my next order of business, if I can get away from the "busyness" for a few more minutes, is to write a new "typical day" post someday soon, a more painfully truthful one.  Right after I'm done nursing Abigail.  And making dinner.  And doing the dishes, laundry, taking the kids for a walk, solving sibling disputes, washing marker off the wall...

"What We Did Today" Wall

I thought of something that will help me remember what we're learning so I'm not so disorganized.  See, once we're done doing our lessons for the day, I usually put the materials away and forget where I put them or just get busy and forget what we did.  I really don't know how other moms don't lose their brains like I do!  Anyway, here's part of my solution (look on the wall, not at the silly boys below):

This way I can remember the next day what we did before and it will help me pick up where we left off easier.  I strategically put it on the wall by the table so we can talk about the lessons at meals and Sean can help me reinforce the things they've learned by quizzing them about the day's lessons.  Brilliant! 

I used sticky tack to put up a folder so we can put projects inside.  Each day Trevor uses special lined paper to write down what we did so Sean can read it.  Then the paper gets tacked to the folder.  I really like having Sean involved in our home life even when he can't actually be around, and he likes knowing what we've done all day.  I think it worries him a little when I'm so harebrained that I can't remember what we did all day.

We have basic lesson we do each day, which include reading, phonics, and math.  That's it.  We do those daily, and if there's extra time between chores and after the main subjects, we do things like science or art.  Most of our projects come from the extra stuff, so really that's all that gets put on the wall.  The material for the main subjects goes to the same spot on a bookcase every day, where there's a fabric drawer for odd things (like math manipulatives) that don't look nice and tidy on the shelf.  So each day we go to the shelf and go through each main subject one by one and do a lesson from each.  After those are done, we go to the table and do a fun project from an extra subject.

What's for Lunch?

Sisters from our ward have been SO kind!  I made tons of freezer meals before Abigail was born because I wanted a smooth transition after the birth, so when people from church ask if we need a meal, I always say no.  But they keep bringing them anyway!  I've had difficulty getting Abigail's sleep/wake cycle to fit into a routine, so it has been nice to not have to use up all those freezer meals right away. 

Because of the extra time these sisters have afforded our family, I've actually been able to do some school with the boys.  Today's lesson included a strange lunch.  How's this for appetizing?  Tortilla chips, lemon juice, cocoa powder, milk, brown sugar, peanut butter, orange peel, orange slices, apricot-pineapple preserves, beef sticks, and skittles.  Mmmm!  Can you guess what we're learning about?

The sense of taste, of course!  (Don't worry, we ate a real lunch about an hour before the lesson.)  All week we're learning about the five senses, and today's sense is taste.  My favorite!  I think we'll have to make something really tasty for dessert since I don't have to worry about making dinner! 

He's a Reader!!

Trevor finished the last of his 100 reading lessons on Monday!!  I'm so proud of him.  He would have finished a month ago if it wasn't for me.  I've been having issues getting Abigail to fit into a routine, so even though Trevor has begged for lessons some days, I've had to put him off a lot.  Some of our lessons were done with me standing holding Abigail and playing cars with Conrad at the same time.  But we didn't stop completely.  When he finished and put the last sticker on his chart, I told him he is a reader (though I've been telling him this long before his last lesson).  He said, "No I'm not" (his usual answer).  I showed him his chart and told him he finished all the lessons and he slowly brightened and started saying, "I'm a reader!  I'm a reader!"

The plan now for reading is to have Trevor read at least one book/story on his own every day for practice, as well as do 2-4 phonics worksheets from the Modern Curriculum Press books (see side of blog), and I want to find a book like the 100 Lessons book that does phonics (like blends and specific phonics rules and exceptions).  We also practice writing a little, though I want to use a specific program.  I'm sill trying to decide between two different programs.  Right now Trevor writes a little each day about what we've done in school.  He has also been writing letters lately (a get well card for Grandpa Peine, a birthday card for Grandma Arndt, and unfortunately, two apology letters for teachers at church for misbehaving) so we've had lessons on how to address an envelope and where a stamp goes.

I'm feeling very sentimental right now as Trevor is beginning his journey of reading.  I hope it opens doors for him and allows him to be wise.  I hope he learns to love learning from books as much as I do!  He is amazing.  I have more insights about schooling with a newborn, but I will have to make time for that later.

New Baby Adjustments

I tend to not write in my journal when life gets crazy, but those are the times I usually want to remember the most so that I can recall how to manage such difficulties.  So just a few short lessons...

Self-Discipline
Having three kids is really hard!  It's not difficult, really, it just takes up my time so quickly that I am already worried about homeschooling when Trevor is officially kindergarten-age in the fall.  It's a good thing learning is just a part of his nature.  I don't know how else I'd do it otherwise.  We didn't get to do any lessons yesterday, but Trevor just found an insect book and laid on the kitchen floor reading while I cooked.  Then he started following me around with the book asking questions.  There's no lack of motivation there.  I just need to learn how to channel it so he can be a little better self-directed.  I realize now why homeschooled kids must either learn self-discipline or falter. 

Sex-Ed
I also read an article a while back called, "The Baby is The Lesson".  I'll try to put a link up for it if I can find the source.  It was written by a homeschool mom who was getting flustered by baby interruptions during school-time, until she realized that those real-life expereinces were part of what she wanted for her kids' education.  So I'm trying to take advantage of this time to teach the boys about lots of topics relating to babies and families.  Strangely, I've had a lot of unexpected sex talks with Trevor.  I am not excited about sex talks.  But when Trevor asks me a million times why he can't watch his baby sister eat, the simplest explanation eventually failed to quiet his questioning.  Even though it's really hard to answer his questions delicately, and I'd rather say, "I'll tell you when you're older," I am actually really grateful that he's learning so young that it's okay to come to his parents and ask these hard questions instead of turning to peers or the wrong crowd to answer them. 

Yesterday was probably one of the more difficult conversations.  I'm too embarassed to even write some of the things we talked about (I know I still need to get over myself), but one thing was so cute I have to record it.  We were talking about who can see each others' private parts (including husbands and wives) and then he told me he wanted Abigail to be his wife when he grew up.  I love the innocence of a four-year old.  He has also asked if he could marry me several times.  I explained that his relationship with his sister is very special, but his relationship with his wife will also be special in a different way.  I'm glad I'm getting practice at this topic.  If this was hard to answer, I'm sure he'll have much harder questions when he gets older!

Discipline, Positive Parenting Style
I am convinced that all of my kids' problems come from my own weaknesses as a parent.  I know, I know.  It sounds harsh.  Friends tell me not to be so hard on myself, but really, it's just too clear to me.  The cause-and-effect relationship between how I engage with my children and how they react to my parenting is too obvious not to feel accountable.  And I am responsible for them, so why shouldn't I feel accountable?  Anyway, that is a topic for another day. 

What I'm trying to say is that I have yet again had to bring out the Positive Parenting book.  It is becoming a monthly event almost.  I get to the point where I am pulling my hair out, wondering what in the world I'm doing wrong as a parent, and then I bring out the book and do a little reading.  That's when I realize I'm doing this or that little thing wrong, fix it, and go back to living in paradise with my kids.  It's hard to admit your parenting is that bad.  But once you've figured out what you're doing wrong and how to do it right, it's so nice when you realize that things are getting better because of your efforts.  It's very empowering.  Let's just hope I can get it right before they reach the age of accountability and have to figure these things out for themselves!

Sibling Rivalry
This time my biggest mistake was how I was dealing with the little fights Trevor and Conrad have.  Before Abigail came along, I was available more often to be able to help resolve conflicts.  Now, when I'm nursing her or changing diapers or doing one of a million other things, I just can't be there every second to solve problems for them.  And reading the chapter on sibling rivalry this past week, I realized that I'm getting involved far too often anyway.  They may be 2 and 4, but they can handle a lot of their own problems.  When I try to get involved, often I'm only making matters worse by reinforcing the very acts I am trying to eliminate.  So these past few days have been much less stressful, though I've had to grit my teeth while turning my back a few times.  Once I got back into the habit of ignoring "junk behaviors", I realized that I didn't even need as much patience.  And the boys learn to resolve things on their own instead of waiting for mom to come save the day and put the other person in time-out.

I can't believe how often I have to learn this lesson!  Ignore inconsequential behaviors, reinforce good behaviors.  I've seen so many parents who just seem to do this naturally, sometimes I wish I didn't need to go back to the book so often.  I really don't want to think about what kind of parent I'd be without it, though.