Naivete is Stressful: An Epiphany!

I wonder if all homeschool moms go through the same sort of progression I'm going through.  I really don't know what I'm doing.  There.  I said it. 

I'm glad that's over.  Moving on...

If you scroll down and read about our typical day of homeschooling, you won't find anything negative.  That was pretty silly of me.  I hope it doesn't give the wrong impression.  I didn't mean for it to look so rosy.  Homeschooling is hard.  It's busy.  When I'm at home with the kids all day, dishes and laundry pile up, diapers need to be changed, tummies get hungry, kids get hurt and require medical intervention, and there are errands to run. 

Even if those things didn't need to be done, there's the fact that my kids are 4 years, 2 years, and 7 weeks old.  It's crazy around here!  As I mentioned in another post, at times, I'm literally dividing my attention between three people in order to get through lessons (and still my kids are brilliant--mommy pride speaking).  What I'm saying is that it's okay!!  It's hard, but it works.

I'm saying this because I didn't feel this way a few months ago.  It's a lesson that has been unfolding for me since the birth of Abigail, and I found myself continually asking, "Can I really do this?  Teach my 4 year old  to read and write while my two year old wants to play and my infant needs to nurse?  And when will I ever do chores in all this schooling?"  My naivete is melting away and I'm feeling more and more relieved as it does. 

A few things have helped.  I really like A Well-Trained Mind, and every time I read it I feel encouraged, so I decided to check out their website and blog.  I happened upon these articles: School at my House, by Susan Wise Bauer.  I read the one about doing school with young kids and a newborn.  Not only did I realize that my expecttions were much too high, but I realized that this is how homeschool is when you have young kids.  If Trevor doesn't have perfect silence and my undivided attention to do a writing assignment, it's okay!  He will still learn just fine. 

In one of those articles, she happened to write something that turned on a lightbulb for me.  She was talking about how the Spanish lesson (or maybe it was latin?) would be skipped that day because they got toward the end of the day and there just wasn't room for it.  Duh!  Spanish is not as important as reading (English), so it gets the backseat.  If I do everything by priority, the important things will get finished and the rest is icing on the cake.  So we're doing it that way now.  Reading, Phonics, and Math are priority (as well as our family's daily devotional, of course), and science, art, geography, etc. are last (if we get to them at all).

I also like the article, The Baby IS the Lesson, by Diane Hopkins. 

So my next order of business, if I can get away from the "busyness" for a few more minutes, is to write a new "typical day" post someday soon, a more painfully truthful one.  Right after I'm done nursing Abigail.  And making dinner.  And doing the dishes, laundry, taking the kids for a walk, solving sibling disputes, washing marker off the wall...

"What We Did Today" Wall

I thought of something that will help me remember what we're learning so I'm not so disorganized.  See, once we're done doing our lessons for the day, I usually put the materials away and forget where I put them or just get busy and forget what we did.  I really don't know how other moms don't lose their brains like I do!  Anyway, here's part of my solution (look on the wall, not at the silly boys below):

This way I can remember the next day what we did before and it will help me pick up where we left off easier.  I strategically put it on the wall by the table so we can talk about the lessons at meals and Sean can help me reinforce the things they've learned by quizzing them about the day's lessons.  Brilliant! 

I used sticky tack to put up a folder so we can put projects inside.  Each day Trevor uses special lined paper to write down what we did so Sean can read it.  Then the paper gets tacked to the folder.  I really like having Sean involved in our home life even when he can't actually be around, and he likes knowing what we've done all day.  I think it worries him a little when I'm so harebrained that I can't remember what we did all day.

We have basic lesson we do each day, which include reading, phonics, and math.  That's it.  We do those daily, and if there's extra time between chores and after the main subjects, we do things like science or art.  Most of our projects come from the extra stuff, so really that's all that gets put on the wall.  The material for the main subjects goes to the same spot on a bookcase every day, where there's a fabric drawer for odd things (like math manipulatives) that don't look nice and tidy on the shelf.  So each day we go to the shelf and go through each main subject one by one and do a lesson from each.  After those are done, we go to the table and do a fun project from an extra subject.

What's for Lunch?

Sisters from our ward have been SO kind!  I made tons of freezer meals before Abigail was born because I wanted a smooth transition after the birth, so when people from church ask if we need a meal, I always say no.  But they keep bringing them anyway!  I've had difficulty getting Abigail's sleep/wake cycle to fit into a routine, so it has been nice to not have to use up all those freezer meals right away. 

Because of the extra time these sisters have afforded our family, I've actually been able to do some school with the boys.  Today's lesson included a strange lunch.  How's this for appetizing?  Tortilla chips, lemon juice, cocoa powder, milk, brown sugar, peanut butter, orange peel, orange slices, apricot-pineapple preserves, beef sticks, and skittles.  Mmmm!  Can you guess what we're learning about?

The sense of taste, of course!  (Don't worry, we ate a real lunch about an hour before the lesson.)  All week we're learning about the five senses, and today's sense is taste.  My favorite!  I think we'll have to make something really tasty for dessert since I don't have to worry about making dinner! 

He's a Reader!!

Trevor finished the last of his 100 reading lessons on Monday!!  I'm so proud of him.  He would have finished a month ago if it wasn't for me.  I've been having issues getting Abigail to fit into a routine, so even though Trevor has begged for lessons some days, I've had to put him off a lot.  Some of our lessons were done with me standing holding Abigail and playing cars with Conrad at the same time.  But we didn't stop completely.  When he finished and put the last sticker on his chart, I told him he is a reader (though I've been telling him this long before his last lesson).  He said, "No I'm not" (his usual answer).  I showed him his chart and told him he finished all the lessons and he slowly brightened and started saying, "I'm a reader!  I'm a reader!"

The plan now for reading is to have Trevor read at least one book/story on his own every day for practice, as well as do 2-4 phonics worksheets from the Modern Curriculum Press books (see side of blog), and I want to find a book like the 100 Lessons book that does phonics (like blends and specific phonics rules and exceptions).  We also practice writing a little, though I want to use a specific program.  I'm sill trying to decide between two different programs.  Right now Trevor writes a little each day about what we've done in school.  He has also been writing letters lately (a get well card for Grandpa Peine, a birthday card for Grandma Arndt, and unfortunately, two apology letters for teachers at church for misbehaving) so we've had lessons on how to address an envelope and where a stamp goes.

I'm feeling very sentimental right now as Trevor is beginning his journey of reading.  I hope it opens doors for him and allows him to be wise.  I hope he learns to love learning from books as much as I do!  He is amazing.  I have more insights about schooling with a newborn, but I will have to make time for that later.

New Baby Adjustments

I tend to not write in my journal when life gets crazy, but those are the times I usually want to remember the most so that I can recall how to manage such difficulties.  So just a few short lessons...

Self-Discipline
Having three kids is really hard!  It's not difficult, really, it just takes up my time so quickly that I am already worried about homeschooling when Trevor is officially kindergarten-age in the fall.  It's a good thing learning is just a part of his nature.  I don't know how else I'd do it otherwise.  We didn't get to do any lessons yesterday, but Trevor just found an insect book and laid on the kitchen floor reading while I cooked.  Then he started following me around with the book asking questions.  There's no lack of motivation there.  I just need to learn how to channel it so he can be a little better self-directed.  I realize now why homeschooled kids must either learn self-discipline or falter. 

Sex-Ed
I also read an article a while back called, "The Baby is The Lesson".  I'll try to put a link up for it if I can find the source.  It was written by a homeschool mom who was getting flustered by baby interruptions during school-time, until she realized that those real-life expereinces were part of what she wanted for her kids' education.  So I'm trying to take advantage of this time to teach the boys about lots of topics relating to babies and families.  Strangely, I've had a lot of unexpected sex talks with Trevor.  I am not excited about sex talks.  But when Trevor asks me a million times why he can't watch his baby sister eat, the simplest explanation eventually failed to quiet his questioning.  Even though it's really hard to answer his questions delicately, and I'd rather say, "I'll tell you when you're older," I am actually really grateful that he's learning so young that it's okay to come to his parents and ask these hard questions instead of turning to peers or the wrong crowd to answer them. 

Yesterday was probably one of the more difficult conversations.  I'm too embarassed to even write some of the things we talked about (I know I still need to get over myself), but one thing was so cute I have to record it.  We were talking about who can see each others' private parts (including husbands and wives) and then he told me he wanted Abigail to be his wife when he grew up.  I love the innocence of a four-year old.  He has also asked if he could marry me several times.  I explained that his relationship with his sister is very special, but his relationship with his wife will also be special in a different way.  I'm glad I'm getting practice at this topic.  If this was hard to answer, I'm sure he'll have much harder questions when he gets older!

Discipline, Positive Parenting Style
I am convinced that all of my kids' problems come from my own weaknesses as a parent.  I know, I know.  It sounds harsh.  Friends tell me not to be so hard on myself, but really, it's just too clear to me.  The cause-and-effect relationship between how I engage with my children and how they react to my parenting is too obvious not to feel accountable.  And I am responsible for them, so why shouldn't I feel accountable?  Anyway, that is a topic for another day. 

What I'm trying to say is that I have yet again had to bring out the Positive Parenting book.  It is becoming a monthly event almost.  I get to the point where I am pulling my hair out, wondering what in the world I'm doing wrong as a parent, and then I bring out the book and do a little reading.  That's when I realize I'm doing this or that little thing wrong, fix it, and go back to living in paradise with my kids.  It's hard to admit your parenting is that bad.  But once you've figured out what you're doing wrong and how to do it right, it's so nice when you realize that things are getting better because of your efforts.  It's very empowering.  Let's just hope I can get it right before they reach the age of accountability and have to figure these things out for themselves!

Sibling Rivalry
This time my biggest mistake was how I was dealing with the little fights Trevor and Conrad have.  Before Abigail came along, I was available more often to be able to help resolve conflicts.  Now, when I'm nursing her or changing diapers or doing one of a million other things, I just can't be there every second to solve problems for them.  And reading the chapter on sibling rivalry this past week, I realized that I'm getting involved far too often anyway.  They may be 2 and 4, but they can handle a lot of their own problems.  When I try to get involved, often I'm only making matters worse by reinforcing the very acts I am trying to eliminate.  So these past few days have been much less stressful, though I've had to grit my teeth while turning my back a few times.  Once I got back into the habit of ignoring "junk behaviors", I realized that I didn't even need as much patience.  And the boys learn to resolve things on their own instead of waiting for mom to come save the day and put the other person in time-out.

I can't believe how often I have to learn this lesson!  Ignore inconsequential behaviors, reinforce good behaviors.  I've seen so many parents who just seem to do this naturally, sometimes I wish I didn't need to go back to the book so often.  I really don't want to think about what kind of parent I'd be without it, though.

Advent Lessons

I'm officially distracted...baby comes in the next 2 1/2 weeks.  Trevor was 3 days early and Conrad was a week early, so it could be half that time.  So "school" hasn't exactly been my focus this week.  But to me, this is a real-life lesson I hope the boys learn from.  I've been rearranging their room to fit the baby in our two bedroom house somehow and trying to mentally prepare the boys and myself for the big change. 

A couple things I have kept up with are Trevor's reading lessons and our advent calendar.  Trevor is actually getting the easy readers from the library now and is really fun to listen to when he reads.  The question I've been waiting to hear from him now comes almost daily ("Can I read to you, Mommy?").  He has finished 79 lessons.

We skipped the advent calendar last year, which would have only been our second year.  We were super busy remodeling the house and didn't have time for a whole lot of fun stuff.  We really did enjoy doing the calendar the first year, though, so I didn't want any excuses for this year, plus it's been helping to keep my mind off of you-know-what so the time goes quicker.  I think family traditions are so important, so I'm trying to keep it really simple this year so we actually do the activities.  A lot of the activities exclude Sean (he's too busy studying), and include learning.  Like yesterday we talked about how Santa lives at the North Pole and read some books about the Arctic Circle and tundra.

Rewind

I keep forgetting about ideas and resources that I tried to develop/used before I started this record.  Here are a few I really don't want to forget:

1.  The Core Knowledge Series by E.D. Hirsch:  Included in the series are books titled, What Your Preschooler/Kindergartner/First Grader/etc. Needs to Know.  I first read The Knowledge Deficit, also by E.D. Hirsch, which explains the series better than the introduction inside the books.  I don't want to use one person's list exclusively for my kids, because I like to tailor their education based on what they need and what I believe is important, but there is a huge reason I like the idea (and product) these books are based on.  Though I don't want to give my kids a "conveyer belt" education that public schools tend to give, I also don't want any holes in their education.  The Core Knowledge Series helps with this.  Basically, E.D. Hirsch and his colleagues spent a lot of time researching what the basic knowledge of an educated person looks like.  They made a list of topics, stories, and lessons that a person would need to know to be able to read and understand texts such as The New York Times. 

I borrowed the preschooler book about a year ago and I liked it a lot.  It has sections from several subjects.  I never looked at the others until recently, but I like the kindergartener book even more than the preschooler book.  The stories have little tips and questions in the margins to help you bring things up to your kids as you read.  I think it would be a good go-to book for the days when I'm struggling to find something to teach the kids without using too much brain power.  I'm hoping to get the preschooler, kindergartener, and 1st grader books from my favorite used book websites (thriftbooks.com or betterworldbooks.com) and use them for one of our reading times.  You can get them for around $4 with free shipping, but I recommend checking them out from the library first to see if they work for your family (and maybe even reading part of The Knowledge Deficit as well).

2.Scripture Reading Plan. A friend of mine helped me remember something I was doing about a year ago, but stopped for some reason.  I had totally forgotten about it until Tiffany mentioned on her blog that she was thinking about making up her own Five in a Row (FIAR) baed on the scriptures.  I started something similar when I heard a talk in church by a man who said that reading scriptures doesn't have to be formal with kids.  He said you can tell them scripture stories in the car or while doing chores together or just be creative.  A lightbulb went off in my head and I created something a little less spontaneous, but worked really well while I did it.

The original plan was very simple: read/tell/review the same scripture story every day for a week, and have some sort of activity to go along with it.  I knew Trevor was capable of learning more about the scriptures, but he had a hard time sitting still every time we formally read the scriptures.  I also just love the primary songs and wanted to incorporate them into our study somehow.    This is the original schedule:

Day 1: Tell the story in my own words and draw a picture of the story (we then put it on the wall and referred back to the picture all week).
Day 2: Review the story (asking for lots of help from the boys) and sing a primary song related to the story.
Day 3: Read the story in the childrens version of the scriptures (and sing song)
Day 4: Role-play the story and sing the song. (The boys get a kick out of watching me act the stories out or acting them out themselves.)
Day 5: Do a craft based on the story.
Day 6: Tell story (or have Trevor tell it) and sing the song.
Day 7: Daddy Day - have Sean do something with the boys.  If he is unable to, then role-play the story again.

It's very simple, but it was a good starting point.  I think the boys just needed something a little different every day to help them remember and stay interested.  I also planned on getting the full gospel art kit and a cheap picture frame so I could put up a painting about the story, but I never went that far with it.  I'm so glad Tiffany helped me remember this because I think it would be a good thing to implement again (I'll post a revised schedule if we change it).  I was really amazed at how much the boys could remember when we stuck to the same story for several days.  It's hard to remember all the details when you have a new story each day!

Oh, and FYI, FIAR does make a scripture based program, but I assume it is only with the bible.