My Way

During the past year, I've been truly inspired by some amazing women, mostly from our homeschool group.  I want to preface that way because I'm going to confess that I need to part ways with some of their, um, ways.  See, they're just SO amazing--completely on a different level from myself--that though I would love to do what they do and allow my ideals and fanciful visions float me away into educational and family bliss, I'm just not there yet. 

There's a lot of talk about unschooling (or similar philosophies) and throwing caution to the wind and just going where your interests/your children's interests take you.  I think it actually takes a very responsible individual to be able to do that.  A person who is successful at that type of philosophy, in my opinion, is a person who has already learned good habits and doesn't need to focus on lower-level learning, like I do.  I'm more the type of mom who can't decide whether I want to wake up before my kids or not, so letting my kids follow interests based on my example sometimes is probably not a good idea.  My interests inevitably lead to a comfy couch and a book--not really the well-rounded approach.

 I realized that many of these moms who have a looser bent toward homeschooling have admitted to being quite the opposite in the beginning.  It makes me wonder if it's something necessary almost, like a step in progression.  As for myself, I have decided that I absolutely must do things my way this Fall.  It might look more scheduled and more like "school at home" than I prefer, but I need to build my foundation stronger before I will feel confident in a less stringent, more creative, more free atmosphere.  It's definitely what's best for my kids right now.  Trevor is especially a structure-loving boy, and I can almost feel the sigh of comfort coming from his soul when he feels the familiarity of "what comes next".  I think Abigail will be the same way...now what to do with our monkey in the middle...For now he's just content as long as he gets Mommy Conrad Time.  Today we made an art project together with shapes, glue, and stickers, and I couldn't be happier to see him having fun with it.

I'm drawing up some plans right now that include some goals for our 2013/2014 school year.  I'll include them when I'm finished, maybe in a few weeks.  It's going to be MY way; what's best for our family and everyone in it.

Cold Feet

Yikes! I think I'm getting cold feet.  One more month till Trevor starts "1st grade".  We never really stop homeschooling, so not much has changed this summer (besides the weather), but all my inadequacies and concerns are flooding back just as they did last year when my cold feet got so bad that I enrolled him in a charter school.  This decision is so hard! 

As I look at the reasons I'm so anxious about this fall, it's all about me!  My own fears over my personal weaknesses. 

Part of me is in "nesting" mode; getting ready for the school year by stocking supplies, researching curricula, organizing and reformatting our learning areas and storage.  The other part of me is screaming, "What are you thinking!" 

Have a little confidence, girl!  It's ridiculous that I should be so down on myself when my focus should be on my children and what's best for them.  When I get down on myself, it uninspires me (I think I made that word up...pretty sure you can't use that as a verb).  Really, though, what happens is the opposite of inspiration.  I become demotivated to keep going because I doubt my abilities and give up again and again.  I've got to stop that!  I've learned so much over the last year and I'm bound to continue learning, reshaping habits, reevaluating and overhauling. 

I often turn to homeschool blogs when I need a little encouragement.  One blog I read recently said that when you feel like I do right now, it's important to remember to take it one day at a time, and focus on just loving your child for that day.  Everything else falls into place when you're putting love of your child first.  I just need to be strong and do what I know is right, follow the promptings that come despite any self-doubt I may have.